Mr. Right
Dear Mr. Right, thank you for coming in to my life. It was just short but indeed meaningful. I will forever cherish the moments that we had. Thank you for bringing out the best in me, for making me realized my true worth as a woman. You are my sweetest mistake and I will never regret it. Or maybe you're not really a mistake. Maybe we just had it at the wrong time. Because every time we're together the feeling is so right. As if you are mine and I am yours. But that's not the case. You are not mine and I am not yours. And it's killing me. I thought I would be okay with that. But my heart is shattered. It's screaming silently. You will see me smile and laugh a lot because I don't want you to worry about me. What you have showned me is enough. Well, actually I wish to have more of "us". But its hopeless. I will surely miss you, Every inch of you , you know that. You are an amazing man. Please take care of yourself. Wish I can do that for you. :( Okay, enough of my drama. I know you hate this. Promise me you will take care of yourself. I wish you all the wonderful things in life. "I hate you."
August 7
After a while, I got to see you again. A little awkward though. Well, I like your beard. It's the first thing I noticed.Is that so long that I haven't seen you? You managed to grow your beard and I think their cute:) Oh oh I must stop this. It's really painful to fall madly in love with someone you can never have. Anyway, just so you know I'm planning to see a doctor to check if there's a fruit of love. I'm nervous of what will be the result. Anyway, whatever the result may be you dont need to be involve. I can do this on my own. I'm strong right? (Well, i believed I am).
August 8
" The avoidance of pain is pain itself."Oh my gosh, when she kissed you this morning I think I'm gonna faint. Please don't do it when I'm around. I know I don't have the right to get jealous. Believed me, I tried not to. But it feels like I was literally stabbed in the heart a couple of times. The pain is really unbearable. I wanted to disappear for that moment. "Hey, (I whispered to the lift) take me for a while.
Finally that kissed was over, we were in the lift. Just the two of us. You know how much I struggle to look okay. Then you asked me "how's life?". Hey, what am I supposed to say. Should I say I'm jealous. Of course I will not do that. Instead I said "I'm okay." I need to be okay I told myself.
Then we were walking, I'd like to stare at you caused I'd really missed you. But I'm avoiding you , I'm avoiding pain. Honestly, I'd like to have more time with you that morning. Just a chit chat , hear your voice, your intellectual ideas, look into your face and receiving back that heart melting stare from you. Oh oh, here comes your ride.See you around .
By the way, where's your beard? :)
August 11
It's been a while Mr. Right. And only in my dreams I had the chance to smoooochhh you. Oh, I definitelty miss that thing. I so miss your smell and the way you hold me in your arms. You're so near yet so far.
Anyway, I've been struggling to say this to you. I don't know how to start. Or if it's okay for me to say it to anyone. But since you started asking questions, here's what really happened. Last Saturday, the typical me sitting in the couch waiting for the time (because I'm off to somewhwere) then that guy you were talking about suddenly kissed me in my knees? (not sure if knees or legs).
I warned him to stop that stupid thing then he pushed me asking for a kiss. Damn! What's wrong with you I asked him. But he ignored me and keep pushing in the couch until I almost lay down. Oh my gosh, up to this moment I feel like crying because of what happened. It's a struggle for me to push him back, i didn't realize he was that heavy.So I bit his shoulder but he's really strong and grab my breast. I feel like screaming to wake up the other guys. But I dont want to make a commotion in respect of what I thought "friendship" that we have. I punched him at his back and when I managed to escape I rushed into my room and was about to cry. Out of absent mindedness I was not able to lock the door. And I never thought that he would follow me there. But I'm wrong he went inside the room. Pushed me again in bed, this time I made sure I'm stronger I pushed him back and managed to get out of my room. I warned him i will shout "rape" if he would not stop. When he stepped out of my room I quickly come in and locked the door. And that was the last time I ever saw him.
I want to file charges. I was harrased, disrespected, violated. But I dont want to make any issue. I dont want any commotion, any trouble.I'm confused. Should I let it pass? I didn't see it coming. I have no one to tell but you. But we have no chance to talk. So I would tell it here. I am not even sure if by any chance you will happen to read this one. Nevertheless I'm quite relieved. Ohhh Mr. Right, i needed your shoulder to cry on. I want you back :(